The past year has been a rapid whirlwind of change, adaptation, spiritual realizations, severe mental illness, powerful recovery and unconditional love. It was about a year ago that I met the man that I now get the pleasure to love in our humble little home every day. I can say with absolute certainty that he was the catalyst of my self-realization journey. I am young and inexperienced, however when I found myself in this deeply loving relationship, I realized I had no idea what I was doing there. What does love look actually look like? Is it possible to love another person without actually loving yourself? Is my ego blocking my ability to fully embrace and acknowledge the love that this other human was trying to give me? Damn.
I have always, since I was very, very young been passionate about helping other people. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve and had compassion for everyone surrounding me. This man that came into my life wouldn’t accept any of my tender, loving nature until I promised him that I would love and care for myself first. He wanted to see me show compassion for myself, and love and respect the heart that I carry around inside me. I wanted to do what he was saying; however I didn’t know how. The women that I knew and trusted growing up only showed me how to make themselves small enough to fit in the corners of space that men left for them. So, I decided to buckle up my belt and become that woman for others to see. If I want to love others, I have to care for myself first so that love is spilling over the edges and I can share that overflowing grace and humanity with others. I am surpassing all of the limitations that I previously put on myself, one by one; I am coming to the realization that limitations don’t exist. In the process I found the courage to share my thoughts and realizations with others.
Whenever you make the decision to travel an abnormal path in life, there are going to be people who will misunderstand you. I have had to become okay with that fact because there have been people along the way who have shamed me for what I love most. Perhaps they are not ready to accept that it is truly okay to experience life a little bit differently than each other. I am going to cultivate creativity, growth and passion differently than a person with a different set of strengths. However, the reason that I am so adamant about sharing my experiences is because there might be a person out there one day that is beginning to become curious about how they may be able to use this human experience for a greater purpose. So many people are on the brink of realizing some powerful things, and it would be a shame if they felt alone on their journey and became discouraged. Also, perhaps by sharing the words that flow out of me when I find my most authentic state, I will be able to let others know that they are surrounded by people who want to share vulnerability and a sense of loving friendship. I am grateful for my rollercoaster of experiences that serve as fuel to ignite the fire in my belly telling me to share my words.
This is radiant Sam. You can find her here too...